I agreed to the interview, but also and went in completely blind. Turns out it was a huge position at a big ass company. The kind of company that one does not simply pass on. So I just did what I do best: I decided to fake it until hopefully I could make it.
Plot twist: I did.
I interviewed with them three more times, all while negotiating my potential salary and benefits like crazy. This is what MBA graduates would call Foreplay, and I was heading towards a huge orgasm.
In the meantime, a video game company – which ironically develops the game that I have been playing every day for the past two years – called me for an interview, which I also happened to ace, somehow. Well, fuck. I had two job offers in front of me when I was literally not even thinking about switching jobs in the first place.
Just as I was getting ready to jump to either company, my current manager called me out of the blue and told me they had given me a huge raise. I hated my life at that point.
You know when you start dating someone and suddenly all your fuckboys and crushes want to date you too? Well, it was kind of like that, and it was very annoying.
What was even worse was that my company tried to counter offer me by transferring me to New York. What the actual fuck? As flattering as it is to be wanted this badly, this shit was too much to handle. The worst part of it all was that my insurance didn’t cover therapy and I had been sick, so I couldn’t cope with drugs or alcohol.
I had three job offers in front of me, but only one of them could become the new home of America’s Next Top Hussie. Not to sound cocky, but Tyra Banks would have been very proud of me. Not sure if that’s a good thing.
