Concentration Camp, Inc.

OK, so this is a story from a while ago, but it still gives me PTSD and my cats’ food has gone up so I cannot afford therapy anymore. Also, she’d lock me up in the psych ward and throw the key away if she knew the amount of shit I’ve been through. Not that I’m complaining but white is not my color, just my lifestyle.

The HR department back when life came with German subtitles and in a very specific Pantone blue (IYKYK) was fucking wild. Has anyone noticed how HR people are always the most racist, nastiest, culturally insensitive, [insert woke slang here] bitches in the whole company? Like, is it a personality trait or do you have to become one to play? What came first, was it the chicken or the egg?

Well, I’ll tell you one thing: It doesn’t matter who came first because all they brought with them was tears and pain (just like my first time which, funny enough, I also didn’t come). Well, maybe not that many tears because crying causes wrinkles and our anti-ageing creams were not up for employee discount. Monsters, all of them.

Anyway, so the BLM movement was on their 2784th iteration and every company was trying to be cool, hip, instagrammable, and woke, and check off all the boxes on the list of your average blue-haired girl. My company was obviously not the exception because, just like Biden’s US, they will emotionally and physically break you, but they will do it with #LoveIsLove #BLM #GoodVibes and all that shit.

Fast forward to the North American townhall where HR decided to launch “affinity groups” for employees to discuss about whatever with like-minded individuals. The whole thing was on a voluntary basis and conceptually a good idea, except people, like HR, are stupid. For example:

Karen (American, obviously): Can we create a group for Jewish employees who don’t feel comfortable working for a German company?

Excuse me?

I mean, I know work feels like a concentration camp but this is not Auschwitz; she won’t die in the gas chambers, she’s just dying slowly at her desk from 9 to 5 everyday. I honestly don’t understand how dumbasses like this one have survived on their own for so many years.

As with any other tragedy in the world, I was also not spared from this one, and I – big emphasis here – had to head the Mexican Heritage group. Funny thing is no one in that group was Mexican, but all of them had a lot of opinions on how we should celebrate Cinco de Drinko. This was my 9/11, y’all.

Soon after, one bitch joined the call – mind you, we were all speaking in Spanish because that’s what one does – and she asked us to switch to English because she didn’t understand shit.

Me: Uhhh… are you Latina?

That bitch: No, but I was in Spain for 2 weeks.

Girl, what?

I swear to God I was reliving the fall of Tenochtitlan; this bitch had been one smallpox-ridden blanket away from wiping us out, and honestly, I was not upset. The group was a certified mess, no direction, no purpose, just ‘Ándale, ándale, ándale!’, and she came, she saw, she conquered, and basically made it work. *cries in Christopher Columbus*

This actually fucked me up big time because it made me wonder if life would have been different if Mexico had been conquered by the UK instead. I mean, they would have massacred us either way, so might as well get something better some centuries down the road.

They also pulled me into the Alphabet group because there was only one other fag in my office, and he was on his third nervous breakdown. Some people are so lucky. I showed up once, heard them talk about pronouns, intersectionality, Pride, and shit, and had to leave because that one meeting was enough to convince me that gays didn’t deserve rights.

I also left the company a couple of months after because I, unlike the American Karen, knew that even WW2 ended at some point, and this concentration camp was done for good.