Opportunity Cost

I’m terrified of leaving or staying.

I remember when I was 21 – for the record, I am still 21 and will be for the next 10 years, but I’m talking about that one time when my birth certificate matched that age – and all I wanted to do was pack my bags and go away.

Oh, the days I spent daydreaming of the moment when I could do that! It all seemed so impossible back then… And here I am, some years later, with a real chance at arm’s length.

I remember perfectly what one of my teachers told me when I told her about my desire to move away:

“Si tu veux partir, il faut le faire avant 27 ans. C’est trop difficile après ça.”

Translation: If you want to go away, you must do it before you are 27. It will be very difficult otherwise.

Of course I dismissed her: I would never be afraid of leaving, right? It’s what I desire the most. This woman must be crazy.

Yeah, that’s what I thought back then.

Fast forward to the moment when I decided to apply to MBA programs: Nope, still standing strong.

Fast forward again to a couple of months after receiving the acceptance letters: HOLY. SHIT.

That’s me everyday.

I can’t believe it but I am actually terrified of leaving. I’ve left before but all those times I knew I would come back. This time around, however, I’m in the dark and it’s killing me. Besides, I’ve thought a lot about the opportunity cost of such a decision: I could as well invest that money on a startup and skip all the lectures and textbooks and essays and all those things that threaten to ruin an otherwise great experience.

Of course, there’s also the fact that I will never make as much money as I need/want as an employee (regardless of hierarchical level) as the amount I could make with the family business. Well, perhaps if I become a CEO of a multinational, but that will take time and will most likely take a toll on my hairline, so thank you but no thank you.

To be honest, it’s also the fact that I’m leaving my boyfriend behind, but, as Beyoncé sang, if he liked it then he should have put a ring on it and he didn’t… There’s too much water under that bridge, but whatever, I guess I’m leaving.

I don’t know if it is the best thing to do, but I am sure that staying is definitely not. So, I’ll pack my bags and play it by ear after that. As another wonderful teacher told me once when I was telling her about my wanting to go back to France and how impossible that seemed:

Tout est possible dans cette vie.

So, yeah, everything’s possible. I guess it’s just a matter of deciding on it.

By the way, I chose Canada in the end. We’ll see how that goes.

By the way #2, I think that second teacher I quoted died a few months ago.

By the way #3, I hate Beyoncé but that song is pretty damn accurate to my shitty love life. Maybe it’s because I did a lot of… well, “things” before getting that ring.

In conclusion: My life is a mess..

… but at least my pop culture game is strong.

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