Be A Corporate Hoe PT 1

Oh, boy. This whole episode in my life could spawn a Netflix docuseries at the very least. 2020 gave us Covid, but it also gave me a new position in the world of e-commerce. Talk about right time, right place, huh?

Having lived through this fucked up situation, I am what scholars would consider a hoe, but now I’m also an expert in all things online. I always thought my only online contribution to society would be an OnlyFans account, but here I am selling millions of dollars on Amazon, and shit. Funny how things work, huh?

Of course, I leveraged this to get a raise since I was 1/3 below my peers. That didn’t work out. They told me one year ago that they valued my contribution to the company but I was not there yet in terms of experience, so they couldn’t justify bringing me up to the same level as my colleagues. I was obviously pissed. I lost so much hair working my ass off to meet the same standards as everyone else, but somehow that was not enough to achieve pay equity. Well, fuck them.

I was approached by countless headhunters offering me positions at meh companies, but also at A level companies. I didn’t really entertain most offers because a) I had Stockholm syndrome with my current company, and b) the positions were ridiculously hard for crazy low pay* for all that effort. I did get off telling $30B companies that they needed to improve their positions and salaries for me to even consider them, so that was the silver-lining.

*Side note: The low pay was still higher than my current salary, so that gave me an idea of just how underpaid I was.

Then in June, this headhunter calls me and asks me if I’m the expert she’s looking for. ‘I’m probably not,’ I said, ‘but why don’t we try anyway?’

I wish someone had taken the plates of the emotional bus that was about to hit me.