The Divorce PT 2

Make his dick hard, not his life.

We used to call the couple El Niño and La Niña. Yeah, like the climate patterns that are getting us closer to extinction. Unbeknownst to us, these two would wreck as much havoc as climate change. Even Greta Thunberg was shooketh.

El Niño went to Mexico for a couple of weeks while La Niña was in Paris, and apparently all the Mexicans were throwing themselves at him. Or at least that’s what she said because “El Niño was so irresistibly hot.” Beauty may lie in the eye of the beholder, but that hoe must have cataracts. I didn’t believe her when she told me he was cheating on her since she clearly had issues with reality.

Then she told me she had found a cream to treat some weird skin ailment in his luggage. I mean, I have a whole bag of La Prairie creams, I’m not about to be the first to cast a stone. I felt morally superior until she specified that the cream was supposed to be applied on a penis.

Well, that changed things.

On top of that, she had found out the texts, the pictures, the Tinder profile, the dinner receipts… Honestly, I’m impressed. This bitch should work high profile cases, as she clearly knows how to find dirt on anyone. So she came back to Montreal without him, and that’s when Olivier and me (and everyone else I told) had a long conversation over whose side we would be on.

We kind of liked El Niño more, but we felt morally obliged to support La Niña. Or at least I felt that way, everyone else took his side. They were smart.

She invited herself to a long weekend culminating in a music festival and we acquiesced thinking she might, for once, be fun – we were also planning to be high as fuck, just in case. Well, she wasn’t fun at all. That’s when we realized maybe that’s why he was cheating on her. Girl, suck his dick, not the life out of things.

On a side note: the concert was amazing! I had very low expectations, but seeing The Vengaboys and Aqua live was awesome. I should have taken the nearest Vengabus away from here had I known my life was about to become D Day by proxy.

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