I (L) NY… NOT (Part 1)

This is how the nightmare started.

So I decided to spend New Year’s Eve with my family and boyfriend in New York mostly because I’m rich, young and beautiful unemployed. I figured that five days there staying at the Waldorf Astoria would be enough to welcome 2011 A-list style. It sounds like a little piece of heaven (and a pretty fucking expensive one), doesn’t it?

Well, bitches, it wasn’t.

We made the incredibly bad decision of flying with Aeromexico, the only fucking Mexican airline as of right now, and that’s basically how we got seriously fucked.

The flight was OK, despite the arrogant attitude of one of the flight attendants. I was like, “Bitch, if I knew where the fucking water is kept, I certainly wouldn’t be asking a unt like you”. But I was in a great mood and no whore would rain on my parade. Or that’s what I thought, anyway.

After a 4-hour long flight we were about to land but apparently the fucking JFK airport didn’t have any runways available so we had to fly around in circles for an hour until they finally cleared one for us to land. Everything was going great until we heard the pilot through the speakers “There’s no gate ready for us. There’s already a line and we’re the 9th plane in it. I don’t want to worry you, but those ahead of us have been waiting for over an hour. I’m turning the engines off”.

WHAT THE FUCK?

THREE HOURS LATER, we finally had a gate assigned to us but something went fucking wrong and a mechanic was needed.

Another two hours went by and we were finally free fucked again because our luggage would not be carried down until they figured out how to unfreeze a fucking door. YA RLY.

Bitches, doesn’t it snow every fucking winter in New York? Shouldn’t you be used to the fact that shit’s gonna get frozen and actually know what to do in those cases? Just use some damn water, pee on it, whatever, just fucking do something for fuck’s sake!

Well, clearly, it wasn’t gonna happen.

I don’t fucking get how Americans make fun of Mexicans, calling us dumb, uneducated, lazy and overall a waste of sperm when all the fuckers at the JFK airport could not fucking figured out what to do in a case like this.

I’m fucking sure 9/11 happened because someone had to fucking tolerate as much stupidity as I had to. Terrorism, my ass!

And that was just the beginning of my American nightmare.

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