I’m a virgin who can’t drive or do math.

Remember that period of my life when I couldn’t stop bitching talking about how much I hated school and the morons I had met there loved school? Well, I have, clearly. Otherwise I wouldn’t be killing myself to go back to it.

Turns out all those math courses I took over the years will actually come in handy, or they would have had I not been too busy fucking, drinking and smoking like the awesome motherfucker that I am with life. Yeah, well, bummer. So now I have to learn once again all this bullshit precious information in order to take the GMAT and be able to apply to top business schools.

Oh, yeah, speaking of which… Which business school has the largest population of drop dead gorgeous rich gays who are not afraid of commitment and would actually like to get married ASAP best MBA program? Because I’ve been to two a hell lot of conventions and cocktails and all I keep hearing about is how each and every single school can help you to successfully develop cirrhosis leadership skills.

Nigga African American, please. I know how to party. I’ve partied so damn hard that I’ve woken up in the hospital at least 5 times AND in different countries – I consider myself a global citizen, you know? So, yeah, I don’t need to spend 100K dollars just to get drunk. Well, I mean, I can always get drunk for free.

Point here is: If I were a girl I’d totally flash my way through the admission process.

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