Sense8 Finale

AKA Harry Potter and the STI’s Clinic.

OK, it’s been a month since it was released but as some character in a random movie I never watched once said, “A queen is never late, everyone else is just early”. Yes, I’m a queen and I’m ready to rant about this horrible final episode. Without further ado, here are my thoughts on the Sense8 finale and all the things that went wrong with it:

1. Whispers’ real intentions

OK, I’m a huge Harry Potter fan; I’ve read all the fanfics books, watched all the movies, spent hours talking about DracoxHarry the amazing characters. I even wrote a full fucking essay on it and sent it to a top business school in France as part of my application to its MBA program – plot twist: I got in – so I think I’m serious when I say I love it. But that’s Harry Potter and this is Sense8, so how the fuck did Whispers suddenly become Voldemort?

Last time I checked, Whispers’ big plan was to possess other Sensates to mind-control them and make them do crazy kamikaze-like missions. I mean, it’s not the most original plan, but it made sense and the threat was believable. So how did he go from doing that to suddenly being so afraid of dying that he basically wanted to implant his consciousness in all these Sensates to literally make them his horcruxes?

I was as sad as the next person when I heard about Sense8’s cancellation, but after this lame huge plot twist, I’m happy they did. The last thing I need is to see Harry Potter the Sensates hunting down the horcruxes zombies until they can finally kill Voldemort Whispers and save the Wizarding world other Clusters.

2. Whispers’ death

Taking down a helicopter carrying Whispers with a bazooka in the middle of fucking Italy? This is the only scene in this whole mess of an episode that made sense, though. In fact, can you imagine how easy it would have been if Harry Potter had done the same thing? Girl, spin that time-turner like a mofo and blast Voldie into oblivion before he Avada Kedavra’s everyone’s ass later on!

But seriously, that happened. The Death Eaters BPO then changed for good and everyone went back to fucking each other’s brains out. I mean, it’s cool, I guess.

3. Lito

Was he the most useless Sensate or what? Everyone else brought something to the group, except him. Riley was pretty damn useless too but at least she could spin them records like a pro. Meanwhile Lito was just there being more extra than guacamole in any restaurant menu. Man, at least in the previous episodes he had hot make-out scenes an engaging and credible storyline to at least give me a hard-on a voice to the gay community. In the final episode, all he achieved was making me want to kill myself every time he was onscreen.

Also, how ironic is it that Lito is supposed to be an actor that can act, played by an actor who cannot act? It’s 3 o’ clock somewhere, and that means it’s tea time, bitches.

4. The Germany-India free trade agreement

No, this is not about economics or politics, it’s about Kala alternating between the German lover and the Indian husband, and thus becoming the hugest hoe in the series. I’m all up for hoeing strong and independent women in full control of their sexuality, but I’m pretty sure Ganesha said, “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Steve”, baby girl.

I was horrified watching the last scene where she has an actual threesome with the two of them. It wasn’t enough for her to succumb to the German but now her husband was too? This is not the XIX century anymore, somebody please stop the colonizers already!

5. The plus 1’s

In this show, the plus 1’s are as important as the Sensates, since they spent half of the show fucking were key plot drivers, but give me a break. They are literally raiding the bad guy’s palace, dodging bullets and explosives, running away from BPO agents – who for some reason are dressed as if they had landed in Somalia during the Ebola crisis – and they still manage to have a sassy conversation, confess their feelings for each other, kiss, kiss again, fuck, get pregnant, deliver, and send their 20 children to college in between?

How do they manage to do that in such a short fight scene when it takes me twice the amount of time just to brush my teeth?

Side note: They spent so much time trying to give every secondary character a moment to shine that I forgot at least twice what the main plot was.

6. All the new characters

Can somebody please tell Lana Wachowski that adding a bunch of new characters in the very last episode of a series does not translate into making said series any better? If anything it just makes it worse. They tried to fix all the plot holes with the new characters and ended up giving us a Deus ex machina situation instead of a believable resolution.

7. That ending scene

Orgies are fun, I get it. And what better way for a show that became famous for pandering to every group of the LGBTQQIIHPVMTVHIV movement than by making everyone fuck everyone else regardless of gender, religion, race, or whatever other social or biological divisions we can think of?

Whatever, but honestly for all the sex that they had, I never once saw any of them putting on a condom. At the rate these guys were fucking, the one thing that would link them together other than their Sensate abilities, would be herpes.

Bottom line is, if you want a story where everyone fucks everyone and Voldemort is killed with a bazooka, just read the infamous Harry Potter fanfic My Immortal and save yourself the 2.5 hour pain that is Sense8.

Rating 2/5
Pros: I’m glad I could see some of the characters again.
Cons: The whole final episode.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.